It wasn't until I was a junior in college, and began to watch some of my friend start their job hunt, that I realized what I wanted as a 20 something post-college. Some of my friends wanted adventure. They traveled the world, many of them entering teach-English-abroad programs and using the opportunity to absorb new cultures. Others wanted to continue school. I have friends in law school and various other grad school programs.
I wanted stability. I wanted to make my own money, have a career I could excel in, and not have to wonder if after a certain date, I'd be waiting tables or ordering my second batch of business cards.
I've wanted this since I was a junior in college, when I was too young to have it. I wanted it after I graduated, when I was working a great job in Madison, as a limited term employee, enjoying being a professional, but wondering what would happen when my year was up.
I started in DC as an intern at a small online marketing firm. I was an intern for less than two weeks. On Thursday I was hired for, what in all accounts, is my dream job.
I am so excited and I feel so lucky. I worked hard, but I know that I have impeccable timing and a series of very random, and very fortunate events to thank.
My whole life I've always been working for what comes next. In high school I tried to get into a good college. In college I worked to get good internships, and, eventually, a good job. Now, I have a good job, and I intend to stay there for awhile. It's not like an internship, where I work hard to one day get a better one.
We live in a goal-oriented world, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But it makes me think about the pressure that we all endured as kids, and that, undoubtedly, our kids will feel. For them, everything is about what comes next. It's never about right now, and the few times it is, it's often written off as a distraction.
I don't know if there's a better way, but I know there was rarely an hour, between the time I first heard the word ACT and last Thursday, that I wasn't worrying I wasn't working hard enough to get what I wanted. And that I would fail.
For the first time in my life, I can enjoy worrying about doing well at what I'm doing for the sake of doing well, and not for something far in my future I can't yet comprehend.
But I don't quite understand how to do that yet. When my brain defaults into, "oh crap, what am I not doing right now that I should be doing to not screw myself over," mode, it takes a minute to remind myself I don't have to do that anymore...for now.
I'm sure there will be some promotion or some project with a very specific long-term goal I'll be focused on soon enough. It won't be long until I forget all about this brief interlude. I just hope that one day, when I have children, and they're freaking out about college or an internship or even soccer tryouts, that I'll remember this, and have something insightful to say. Because right now I don't. I can just say it is what it is. For now.
No comments:
Post a Comment